This is All Too Familiar
by LilyTheAnnoyance
Summary: Rob and Kristen wake up as Edward and Bella. Hilarity ensues.
1. Awkward

"Take twenty-one, Proposal Scene, _Eclipse_," he shouted. "Action!"

I sighed. This wasn't awkward at all. Making out with Rob, my co-star, on a huge golden bed, with cameras pointed at us from every angle. No, not weird at all.

I mechanically said my lines, not really paying attention to the meanings behind them. Here it comes again.

"Can I ask you something?" I slurred to Robert. Erm, Edward.

"Anything," he vowed as he sat down on the bed next to me.

The line popped out without my permission; we'd clearly done this too many times. The scene was becoming tiresome.

Until I had to persuade him - on camera - to have sex with me. On camera. That was when I could most feel the cameras' eyes burning into my back, when I became shy at the knowledge that millions of under-aged girls would be watching Rob and me make out. Though I had made movies with some heavy kissing, I had never for such a young audience.

My thoughts were interrupted as Rob leaned in to kiss me.

Though it was really Edward kissing Bella, it still took me off-guard, still felt real. It did help that Rob and I were together outside of our careers. He slowly lifted his left hand to cradle my face.

"Cut!" The mood was gone. "You need to get more involved, Kristen; it's like Rob is kissing a dead fish."

I smirked at the comparison. "I'll do my best. . . ."

-.-.-.-

When we finally perfected the art of on-screen make-out, we were allowed to go home. I groaned with relief as I was released from that God-awful wig.

I checked my e-mail before going to sleep. There was just one faintly important one concerning a movie offer I had received about a week before.

I put in my ear buds and fell asleep to Ok Go.

**A/N: Please, I very much encourage you to criticize me in reviews. That's what I read reviews for. In fact, I really don't like reviews that just gush about how good something is. Not complimenting myself there, but it tends to happen a _lot_ in all reviews in this site. And I'm sorry if I screwed up publishing this somehow. I'm still new to the system. Thank you for understanding! ~Lily  
PS: I just posted the first chapter to show whatever imaginary readers I have that I _am_ making progress. I'll start periodically posting by April, I should hope. I _wildly_ encourage anyone who is reading this story to read my profile (or as much of it as they can stand). Thanks.**


	2. Disoriented

My eyes fluttered open.

"What's wrong with her?" a female voice hissed.

I was pretty sure I was laying on a carpeted floor.

What?

I sat up - stunned by my own instant and lithe movement - and observed my surroundings.

I was in a pale room. Everything was white. The furniture, the walls, ceiling, tables, doors, carpeting . . . which I was still sprawled out on. There was an entire wall made of glass, looking off into the forest. A group of . . . six people stood above me. Stunned, panicked and frustrated.

There were two blond guys, a tall blond girl, a big guy with dark, curly hair, a tiny girl with short black hair, and a sweet-looking woman with caramel-colored hair.

Only a second had passed. "Where am I?" I asked timidly. My eyes widened considerably at the sound of my voice - which was not _my_ voice at all.

Then the sweet woman started a shocked, tearless sob.

My brow furrowed as I studied my own hands. "I don't understand. . . ." My arms were so _white_! And I could see every pore in them; I could see _everything_.

One of the blond men knelt down gently beside me. "Bella, are you okay?" he asked, trying unsuccessfully to sound calm.

_That_ was it. Was this . . . ?

No way. This had to be prank of some kind.

"Very funny," I said flatly.

"What do you mean?" He reached a hand as if to stroke my hair, but stopped, as if he were afraid I'd bite him.

"I mean your little joke," I answered sourly. "Is this _Punk'd_? Where's Ashton?" _How would they change your voice?_ a small part of my brain demanded. I silenced her.

Someone stepped through the door; my head snapped up. Could I hear them _breathing_ from here?

A very attractive young man stepped in with brown, messy hair.

And a little girl. With the exact same color hair as his.

**A/N: Let's see, how do I explain this? A bunch of people favorited this story in the story in the first twenty minutes of posting chapter one, and I got greedy and am posting chapter two. I'm still trying to resist the temptation to post the third. Eep.  
Thanks for all the reviews guys! I read all of them and each one brightens my day. :)  
Thank you, imaginary readers. I'll go now. ~Lily**


	3. United

**A/N: I've decided to post an author's note at the _beginning_ of the story this time, because it seems some people haven't been reading the ones at the bottom. Just wanted to say that I really did love the reviews, but I was serious when I said that I really preferred to gain advice. I kid you not, I prefer critical reviews to complimentary ones. I'm not like other authors who say they want the truth but flip out when you say you don't like it. I've come across those and they're really annoying.**  
**Again, thanks for the reviews! It's not like I'm mad at you for complimenting me. ;)**

"Momma!" She beamed, reaching out to me and grabbing at the empty air.

The boy held her closer to his chest, restraining her. And looked me dead in the face, clearing his throat. "Bella, a word?"

Everyone looked at me.

I slowly got up off the ground. It was so easy! I could have done it with one leg and no hands. I noted in the back of my head that I was wearing a pink, satin summer dress.

He gave the toddler to the blond girl and slowly led me into the woods.

"This is . . . ," I mumbled through my mess of thoughts - somehow more brainpower than ever.

He turned suddenly to face me with a strained expression. "What, what is this?" His voice was urgent.

"We're . . . _I'm_ . . . ," I hesitated, wondering if I could trust this boy.

"Say it," he whispered, screwing his eyes shut.

"_Twilight_." I closed my eyes as well. "We're in _Twilight_."

"How . . . ?" he began breathlessly, then shook his head. "How is this _possible_?"

"I don't know!" I shouted, a little too harsh. "How the hell would I know how this happened?"

"I don't _know_!"

Suddenly, I started sobbing. No tears fell. Edward, Rob, or _whoever_ it was, pulled me into a hug.

"Who are you?" I asked. "Just making sure."

He chuckled. "I'm Robert Thomas Pattinson. I assume you're Kristen Jaymes Stewart?" I nodded. The laugh died in his throat. "Who's . . . who's _us_?"

"I hadn't thought about that . . . seeing as I just woke up as Bella Cullen."

"Yes, that can be quite disorienting at times. . . ."

"I wonder how Bella would handle my life," I mused.

**A/N: Yeah, yeah. It's short and I'm not ashamed of it. I can safely say that all of the chapters of TATF (this story) are going to be this size.  
As you know by now, I've abandoned my strict _wait until you have all the chapters written until you start posting them_ rule. I don't have a schedule, but I'll post often.  
As for my other two stories (_Uninterrupted_ and _The Touching Story of Daisy_), I'm sticking by my rule. I was weak by giving in to pressure and posting this story early. I write every day, though - not to worry. And I solemnly swear not to forget about stories - or even fan fiction completely - and disappear like some other authors have. I care about my little imaginary readers. :) ~Lily**


	4. Inquired

"Should we tell them? Carlisle sounded like a pretty understanding guy in the books." He must have seen something on my face, because his eyes widened and his brow furrowed, eyes focusing intently on my face. "You _did_ read the books, didn't you?"

I hesitated. "I . . . haven't exactly finished the last one. Erm, _Breaking Dawn_."

Rob sighed impatiently, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I think the first thing we need to do is find out where we're at in the story."

"Well, Renesmee is still little," I offered.

Two seconds passed, and his eyes lit up. "I have an idea."

"And?" I prompted.

"And I'm still thinking."

I pursed my lips and passed what seemed like hours studying his calculating face, until his expression finally lightened and he looked me in the eyes. "Come with me."

-.-.-.-

"Okay . . . I think we're here." He walked out into the clearing we had stopped at.

"What's 'here' and why are we there?"

He laughed at my convoluted sentence. "Ah . . . spoiler alert, Benjamin causes an earthquake at the end of the book. If the crevice is still here I shall be able to confirm that it's post-_Breaking Dawn_."

". . .Clever. Who's Benjamin?"

He ignored my question. "It should be right . . . about . . . here?" He looked down to his feet, staring at the ground with his arms held wide open. "Did I take a wrong turn?"

"Or, we could just still be in the story."

He turned to me. "It's possible, but it's also possible that I just came to the wrong clearing."

"So, what happens at the end of the book? Is one of us . . . going to die?" I cringed.

"No, no!" he answered. "Nobody dies. Stephenie is too much of a wuss to kill anyone off." He grinned. "Needs to give everyone a happy ending."

"So what happens with Jacob? Is he still depressed? Did he imprint?"

"How much did you even _read_?" His expression questioned both my intellect and character.

"I left off at . . . I think it's when Edward and Bella are back at the big house and she meets Renesmee. Something about Jacob not wanting to let go of . . ." My face filled with understanding. "Ah," I choked. "Renesmee."

He snickered. "Yes. Renesmee."

_"Renesmee?"_ I felt the need to make sure, again, that I had heard right. "Isn't she, like, a _baby_?"

"You should have paid more attention to _Eclipse_!" he shouted, now defensive. "Quil imprints on a girl named Claire. She was two when it happened."

"That's . . . what?"

"It's not like that. It's not always romantic, like with Sam and Emily." He looked deep into my eyes. "He'll be whatever she wants. A friend, a lover, a brother, or he'll stay away, if that's what _she_ wants. Gravity doesn't hold him to the earth. She does."

When I caught my breath, I looked at my feet. "That's really sweet."

"Yeah, I know. It'll give you diabetes."

I laughed loudly, raising my head. "You're weird."

"You're weirder."

"We're both very weird," I suggested. "So now what?"

**A/N: _READ ME! READ ME! READ ME! READ MEEEE!_  
Please review. Yes, I know that's a normal request, but I have something to tack onto it: Please review _with criticism_. I'm flattered that you like my story, but I just can't use those reviews to do anything. I'm begging you - please criticize me. I'm not just saying that, and I'm not one of those authoresses that asks for your truthful opinion and rips your throat out when you say you don't like it. Thanks! ~Lily  
**

**NOTE from when I popped in to re-upload (when I realized a mistake and had to fix it)- Calyn told me to put the following at the bottom of this chapter.  
[Calyn says: You might as well give up on trying to get no squee-reviews, Lily. _I_ almost gave you one.]  
Thanks, Calyn. I can always count on your for support ;D**


	5. Lost

He deliberated for a moment. "I suppose all we _can_ do is either go back and tell them everything, or go back and just play along."

"I like the latter."

"Why?"

I pursed my lips before speaking. "I feel like . . . I don't want them to know. I don't want to leave a huge mess here. I just want to pretend everything's cool till we get back to the real world." I bit my lip at stared at him.

"Well, once they know there's no going back. But if we pretend, there's always that option." He paused. "You're right. We should take some time to think about it."

_[one week later]_

_"This is so amazing!"_ I shouted - even though I didn't need that volume - as my bare feet nearly flew across the forest floor.

"I know," he breathed, but I could still hear him. I heard him exhale through his teeth as he sped a few feet ahead of me.

I narrowed my eyes. "Oh _no_ you don't!"

His eyes widened as he saw me bound up beside him and start to steer him off the trail.

Suddenly, he disappeared. I hissed and whipped my head around to see he was directly behind me. Very directly. If I slowed even a bit, we would become a vampire pretzel on the dirty ground.

Drafting. Using the vehicle in front of you to reduce drag, allowing you to travel faster and without wind resistance. "Get off of my tail!" I shouted over my shoulder.

"Not a chance."

I swerved to the left and slowed, leaving me shoulder to shoulder with Rob. I chuckled evilly under my breath before shoving him to the side, forcing him to stumble and struggle to regain his balance.

By this time, we were at the river. Without hesitation, I launched myself over the water, while Rob followed shortly behind.

"Hah!" I shouted smugly as I heard my feet touch the grass first. "I win."

"It wasn't a race," Rob pouted.

"Yes it was, and you know it."

"Let's just get in the house," he avoided the subject of his loss. He grabbed my hand and towed me toward the big house.

"Such a sore loser," I sighed.

"You cheated!" he accused as we walked up the porch steps.

"Did _not_."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did _too_!"

By this time, we had left the door open, and Rob was backing in while I faced him.

Rose cleared her throat. Our back-and-fourth bickering stopped for a moment while we glanced at her. "May I ask what this is about?"

Rob and I immediately began speaking simultaneously. "We were running back and then she-"

"And he ran ahead of me, and so I sped ahead too and-"

"When we got back she said it was a race, but if _she_ lost it would just be, 'Oh, I-' "

"So you _admit_ that you lost!"

"Stop it," Esme commanded as she walked out of the kitchen.

"She cheated . . ." Rob mumbled.

**A/N: I've decided to spare you from author's note this chapter! Ah, well, oops...**


	6. Adored

**IMPORTANT A/N: Last chapter, I forgot to make clear that there was a one-week time-jump. If you'll go back to Chapter Five and scan it, you'll see where it is now. "Time-jump" sounds a lot more complicated than it is...  
For those of you who are reading this some months/years after it was first posted: I made clear in a chapter (that is deleted by the time you read this) that I'm aware of the stupidity of the story, and that I might discontinue it.**

**To quote a fellow authoress, Mintey: "The 'I-Hate-This-Story-Why-Am-I-Writing-This' blahs have kicked in."  
**

"You're acting like ten-year-olds. Be nice."

"Fine," Robert said stubbornly. He _was_ ten . . . in the head.

Alice appeared at the top of the steps and bounded down, a freshly groomed Renesmee in her arms. Probably dressed in some expensive clothing imported from France. "Hello all," she sang, beaming as usual.

"Hey Alice," I breathed, shaking off the remains of annoyance from my squabble. "Hello Renesmee!" I cooed, and she giggled. She was growing too fast. If only she could stay like that, a smart little girl who thought everything was funny, never truly hating anything. . . .

I held out my arms, and Alice placed Renesmee in them. "I love you . . ." I whispered in her ear. She giggled again and lifted her dimpled hand to my face. It was a mental video of me - well, Bella's body, really - when I was laughing on the sofa with Rosalie earlier, Renesmee in her lap. She was laughing with us, though she didn't know what was funny. She just liked to laugh. When she looked at me in the memory, I was glowing. My image was filled with love and adoration. She loved me too.

It almost made me want to cry.

I peppered her face with kisses, and she smiled widely, revealing her perfectly square teeth and dimples. I didn't want to let her go.

"Get a room," Emmett commented from the computer chair.

"Uh!" I made the sound disbelievingly. "That is just _wrong_. Thanks for scarring my brain"

He grinned. "It's what I do best."

"And _you're_ telling _me_ to get a room? Definitely a hypocrite."

Emmett smiled to himself, and Rosalie sighed from the couch, where she was sitting with Esme. "Bella, _must_ you make things awkward?" she asked rhetorically.

"It's what I do best." I shrugged. She chuckled.

Renesmee laughed too, and placed her hand on my face. She wanted to understand the conversation.

"It means he's jealous of just how much I _love_ you," I fibbed, touching her on the nose. I really did adore that child. We all worshipped her.

Alice reappeared. I hadn't even seen her dart in. She was like a five-year-old on a sugar high. "Well, I can't see anything, so I'm assuming the dog is nearly here." She put her hand on her hip and looked at me. "Give me Nessie. I need to take pictures for today. " She snapped her fingers. "Come on, Rose."

With Rosalie trailing shortly behind, Alice confiscated the toddler and pranced into the dining room. Where I was sure she had a whole shoot ready.

Rob was quiet. Too quiet. He sat on the piano bench, looking off into the forest through the glass wall. Something was on his mind.

I would have to corner him in the cottage and interrogate him tonight.

**A/N: A birthday shout-out to BaileeXOXO! This chapter was a birthday gift to her! W00tw00t!**

**I hope you don't mind it was an early present ;) I simply couldn't wait till Monday. I might update again then though, now that my writer's block is gone :O**

**Thanks for everything, Imaginary Readers. I love you guys. Seriously.**

***worships*  
**


	7. Worrisome

**A/N: Hey everyone. *hides***  
** I know how late this is. I know, I'm a horrible person.**  
** My lame excuses are: I lost Internet for a couple days, I had to go to a robotics tournament, I had a conference, and I'm editing someone else's story (which is the dumbest excuse of all because I haven't really done much yet). Combined with my laziness and non-commitment = two weeks without an update.**

**Anyway, BaileeXOXO, did you like your chapter? *pokes* Huh? Huh huh huh huh?**

**I'm dedicating this chapter to EBRAJERCECullen 130, simply because she has been so awesome with the reviewing and support and all that business... Nothing really special about this chapter, just wrote it with you on the mind EBRAJERhefwadeblaw. (I'm sorry but I'll never be able to keep your name straight lol.) **

He was silent as we ran home with Renesmee.

It was only after I tucked her in that I had to investigate.

"Edward." We had fallen into the habit of calling each other Edward and Bella, even though he was still Rob in my mind. We could have done otherwise when we were alone, but there was _always_ someone listening. Renesmee, now. And she _would_ become curious and ask everyone about it.

"Mmmm," he acknowledged simply, headed toward the bookshelf by the fireplace, which was still crackling a bit of blue from earlier today.

"What's wrong? Is there something we need to talk about?"

He sighed and took a few moments to answer. "Are we ever going to get back?"

"Of course we will."

"How can you be sure of that?" he snapped, and picked a book from the shelf, going through the pages like a flipbook. "How do we even know that this is real? How do I know you're really here with me? Am I going insane? Is all this . . . is this real, and I went insane and am thinking it isn't and I'm a singer-actor in a different universe?" He breathed quickly.

"Calm down," I directed. "I'm sure . . . eventually . . . we'll go back the same way we came in."

"But we have to fall asleep for that! To enter! Right? It didn't happen when I was awake. And if we enter some . . . realm . . . of an in between state . . . that would force the other being to get sucked in as well. And we don't _sleep_."

"Stop it! Stop!" I didn't want to hear it. I had to believe there was a way. "Just stop." I took a deep breath. "Maybe Edward and Bella . . . I mean us . . . you know, maybe it's up to them. They need to fig-. . . they're smart, right? I'm sure they'll figure it out."

"But not without our _minds_. Their minds. Their-these bodies' minds." He paused, and looked up slightly, confused by the _us_ and _them_ and _bodies_ he was using in his statement.

"Well, there isn't really anything we can do. It's not like we need to go searching for a portal in some wizard's tower."

There was a silence that pierced the air for several moments.

Edward - _Robert_ returned to essentially his original question. "What if we never get back?" he asked quietly.

"Then I don't know," I replied anyway, even though I knew it was rhetorical.

He tossed the book into the fireplace and walked out the front door. Frazzled that he was wasting literature, I walked over to save the poor thing from the quickly heating embers, and saw what it was.

_Alice in Wonderland_ by Lewis Carroll.


	8. Mwahaha, same chapter

Update - _Yes, people-who-have-gotten-an-email-that-I-posted-another-chapter, this is the same update I posted before. Except for this. And a little something I tacked onto the end. Anyway, I re-uploaded it instead of replacing it so that people would...never mind. Just trust me when I say I have a reason. Should I shut up now? This little note is getting way too long. Okay...shutting._

Hello all.

So basically, I hate writing this and my motivation meter has run to zero.

An anonymous source (hee hee) even told me she could _feel_ the lack of motivation in my last chapter.

This was originally meant to be a comedy. But now it's turned into some cheesy, unwanted drama that I'm stuck writing.

So...just don't expect updates very often for this story. I promise, I _will_ finish it, but I'm going to try to finish it up in these last few chapters. And...definitely don't expect a sequel lol. So, just put this on alert I guess...

IN OTHER NEWS: Who knows who Toby Turner (AKA Tobuscus) is? Eh? Well, I'm currently fangirling SO HARD that I'm writing a fan fiction about him. And it's going extremely well so far. It's basically a girl (whom I have named Lauren), and she's a huge fan of him. So she...uh...finds out his address in Los Angeles, and goes to his house. I really don't have much of a plot, but it's funny. And what's great is that you don't really have to be a Toby fan to get it. Even though the thing is FILLED with obscure little references to his vlogs.

You know, when fangirls write fan fiction about a real person, it's not very accurate. They're all shy and blush a lot, and become friends with the person, and then eventually, dramatically fall in love with them.

WELL. This is not how the Toby fic is going to go at all. This fic is supposed to show the ugly truth: What fangirls are REALLY thinking when they meet their idols.

Well, not quite ugly. But accurate.

The recipe: excessive amounts of fangirl, two cups of obsession and just a dash of stalker.

So anyway. Please review, or send me a message. Say anything you want. Tell me about your opinion on French toast, or complain about your siblings. All is welcome! :D

~Lily

PS: Sorry about last chapter being really repetitive, because I literally did not edit AT ALL. I didn't even read it through. I just typed then posted. I guess I really just was in GET THIS DONE AND POSTED mode.

PPS: I've fixed some of it...the Portal/Porthole Fail, and then the repetitive use of the word "book". *ahem*... [insert epic ending to chapter-thing here]


	9. Stubborn

**A/N: HOOORRRAAAYY! ! ! ! Another chapter! I bet I just made your LIFE with this update. ;)  
YOU'RE WELCOME, Team Jacob. Finally an explanation.  
(Oh, and PS: I'm aware of how stupid this chapter is, no need to alert me to it -**.**-)  
**

"Renesmee," I scolded. "You're human too. Eat your formula!"

She shook her head stubbornly. I took hold of her soft chin slowly, and tickled it. She hiccupped and laughed, and I placed the spoon in her mouth. She processed it for a moment, sitting very quietly on my lap.

"Eww! Stop doing that!" I got up from the kitchen table and grabbed a paper towel to wipe off what she had spewed all over my shirt.

Rosalie was suddenly at the kitchen door, hands behind her back. She was smiling like a fool. "Need any help?"

"No, Rose. I know how eager you are to take over, but I got it."

She sulked into the dining room. "Call me if you need me."

I sat down at the table and placed Renesmee on my lap again. I stared at her until I exhaled. "Fine, you win. I'll be back with some blood."

She rejoiced, grinning and putting her arms up in the air. _Stop being cute,_ I thought. _You're making me feel bad._

I walked out the kitchen door and up the three flights of stairs to Carlisle's office. I knocked gently.

"Come in, Bella."

I opened the door and sighed, walking over to the mini-fridge. "Renesmee's hungry."

"From the looks of things, you already tried to give her the baby formula?" He eyed my exhausted and messy state.

"She just won't tolerate it. I don't blame her, the stuff smells nasty."

He wrinkled his nose. "Yes . . . but you'd think it would appeal to her human side. . . ."

"You'd think," I breathed, headed towards the door. I turned back just before exiting. "Carlisle?"

He lifted his head from the notebook he had returned to.

"What is Jacob doing? You never really told me straight."

"Him and Sam are working together to investigate a new scent up north," he explained. "They came across a fresh scent in the mountains a few weeks ago. They couldn't return it to me because the snow covers it so quickly. They think it leads north." He paused. ". . . It's one of our kind."

"Oh . . ." My voice was troubled. I hadn't expected that much information.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Carlisle assured. "Probably just a passer-by."

"So," I clarified, "he's basically on a wolfy business trip?"

"You could say that," Carlisle chuckled.

"Bella," Alice sang from the main floor. "Renesmee is getting impatient!" I could hear her struggling with the toddler.

"On my way," I simply said, knowing she could hear me.

**A/N: I know you guys want it to be longer (which is a phenomenon I still don't understand - it's crap, why would you want MORE crap?), but I simply can't be bothered to write longer chapters.  
Also, I'll _try_ to make the story amusing again, but I can't promise that I'll succeed in this endeavor. I love you guys! ^^ ~Lily  
**


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